It’s like we just can’t help our selves , cause we don’t no how to back down living in this life . I see what I do ,but I see others around me pretending there lives are perfect when in fact they are just as stuck as me , love does it exist? . If we were only meant to love one person in our lives why do people have affairs ? walk away from the people who care most , I think love is a very over used word , I think love is nothing to do with words but the connection you have with some one . It easy to meet some one and tell them couple days later that you love them though it is meaningless some people will go along and pretend others will walk on and keep searching .
I suppose every one has different way of dealing with issues in there life some go quiet or get mad, but I am defiantly, one of those people who can’t easily hide my emotions I think if I did I wouldn’t be able to get with my life it would suffocate me. I love life though how boring it would be with out the drama and fun , highs and the lows , I think if you don’t live life to the fullest then you will just live in regret , you can’t please every one it as simple as that , you should do what makes you happy and not things to please other people .
You can look out the window and you see people getting on with there every day lives looking totally happy in there bubble , but we don’t see the tears maybe from the woman across the road from when her boyfriend comes home and beats her , it’s like everyone is living an undercover life .
I always try to make sure my life is in some kind of order , With master order is a bit hard but I like the challenge , he keeps me on short lease . If I didn’t see him though how would my life change would I settle for something I don’t really want in my life . I been there and tried it wasn’t enough not like I said earlier no connection . I think answers like that are unknown , we can’t predict the future but we can control what happens here and now in our lives.
Talking of my life right now Master suggested I started webcam diary for men who have a foot fetish ..crazy I know , I really don’t know were he gets his ideas from , he wants me to parade around in sexy high heels for other men’s pleasure , playing with my feet and rubbing my fingers through my painted toes , sliding them together. Ok it is sexy looks good and feels good but have to share my feet with lots of strange men does not appeal to me though , he did mention I would get presents i.e new shoes!! . an to be honest what girl does not what new heels bought for them , god knows how much money I have spent on shoes in my life we are talking way past four figures on shoes. But I know about the risky side to all that , the stalkers , the emails I would probably end up getting , Jesus I write a blog and get lots response so I can imagine what doing some thing as slutty as that would bring , hmmm I do like thought of it but going through it well it is a completely different game. think I will leave that idea in the pipeline , master probably of thought of another idea for me soon .
Master though just makes me want to go umm ,umm ,ummmmm he has the power his love is so cruel though it just makes me want to beg for more . He takes me down to lowest place possible but he does give me what I need if I am good girl , I haven’t always played the part well being told what to do takes time to get used to it is something you learn in time , though it wasn’t always like this we did start off just normal dating now it is erm , I not sure I don’t think there is name for it open relationship on his part not mine . It complicated but so is life .
Some days it is really easy to write and just flows bit like today , past few days I just could not put finger tips to keyboard so to speak . I think some time you have look at the bigger picture of life especially as you grow up , your future becomes more important you relies your family are always there for you when others are not ,you learn to appreciate the good things in life you survive weather it on your own or with people you love most , I am lucky to have lots people who love and care about my well being , but I also find it important to have independence and not to reline on others all the time everybody should be able to go and get what they want out of life , I by no means have got all I want yet , I made mistakes when I was younger that probably changed my whole life .
I had the career the life and swapped it for nappys and no life, it has only been past few years I managed to get rid of the negatives in my life and change it around I am getting there slowly , there lot of things I would like to do though travel maybe , see the world , try new things . Well which ever path I take it because I choose too , I can live with that , I think goals are important in daily life without being focused your just going to be stuck , I see it all the time people I know still were there where 10 years ago , I will not be one of them people .
I always up late thinking lately have I made the wrong decisions , is this right road to take but now I feel so alive , I can feel the fire burning deep with in my soul ,struggling for perfection , when I feel need some guidance and I no the road is frighting ,I am going to make it on my own , because no one is going to do this for me .
What tomorrow brings no one knows but I will no one thing for sure and if I fail at least I know I did it on my own.